Had the misfortune to pick the wrong carriage and the wrong seat on the way home tonight. I have joined the ranks of other work harrassed commuters and been issued with a laptop of miniscule size (aka the IBM flea).
I got into carriage B. Unusually for the 17:50 I managed to get a seat straight away and I settled down to do some work - this in response to my boss saying "he wants more from me".
Anyway, I managed to position myself next to "Smelly Man" and within earshot of "Pretty, loud, glamourous, LOUD woman" who did not stop talking on her mobile to her "luscious" friends about the plans for the weekend and "hey, how great is my life, I'm so cool, yeah, great - ok, Ya, I'm on the train. Ya, come over this weekend, it'll be lovely"... etc etc for an hour.
Well actually she did it for 59 mins because just before I got off the train I grabbed her stylish mobile phone from her manicured hand and made her swallow it followed by a dessert of newspaper scraps I had got off the floor.
Smelly man went to sleep so I sprayed him down with Right Guard.