Right, now we've got that out of the way, I must tell you about a most amusing Etiquette incident on the train this week.
It was a very crowded morning due to the train running in what is excitingly called "reverse formation" (Imagine a squadron of fighter jets trying to do that - it would end in tears I'm sure). The effect of reverse formation seems to be to distribute people more evenly around the train, thus making my journey a little less pleasant.
I was stuck across the aisle from the man pictured below:
Sorry about the quality but the point is he was properly asleep - not just a polite little nod off. This was a deep level of sleep where you lose awareness of the facts that follow:
1) You are dribbling and muttering into your quite extensive beard
2) You are snoring so loudly that even the people who are wearing headphones and playing their music very loudly (this includes me) can still hear the snore and in fact the driver has slowed down the train to take account of some "unaccounted vibrations in carriage B". All down to this man's snoring..
3) A little bit of a whiff from the flatulence that has been caught in your trousers since you broke wind near Abergvenny where this train starts off in the morning.
So I hear you ask, how does all of this relate to Etiquette and the commuter - well all of the points above should illustrate why this man needs to go on the commuter course run by First Great Western at Paddington on alternate Mondays...