Tuesday, 7 October 2008


Now I know this is a bit strange sounding but please stay with me on this:

I was on the train this week and had to go to London for some meetings. I was working hard on my laptop, attempting to get the 3g card to work for more than 30 seconds at a time.

At Reading, a large young lady placed herself none too gracefully in the spare seat next to me, thus pinning me against the window.

I managed to ignore her in true British style but I did manage to note the items on the tray table in front of her:

1. Large chocolate chip muffin.

2. Ipod

3. Phone

4. Romantic novel.

She took a while to settle, eat the muffin, lick all the chocolate off her fingers (I am not joking) and then turn her attention to the Ipod.

She placed the earpieces in her ears, selected the playlist and then, to my shock, pulled her dress away from her body and placed the ipod in her BRA. She then did the same with her phone on the other side.

Now I don't want you to get the idea that I was watching her every move but I was shocked to the core when I saw out of the corner of my eye what she was doing.

Later on she started a very loud phone chat with some mate to whom she said "CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET?" (Imagine here the whole carriage silently willing the person at the other end to say "no"). "I SPENT £500 ON CLOTHES THIS MONTH AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH ON WINE AND OTHER BOLL**CKS".


I tell you no lie that I saw her at the Burger King stand at Paddington.



Andy said...

Are you sure Dom Jolly wasn't waiting near by with a camera crew recording your reaction?

Andy said...

Just be glad that she didn't have a Twix as well...

Anonymous said...

The commuter formerly known as Visaman here, I am delighted that you continue to run, I am sorry about your knee. I am fighting a one man crusade about British working lunches, they seem to be all about bread and potatoes* - it is like living in the former Soviet Union.
* "A selection of freshly mage bagettes and potato wedges" - £12.99 per head

Naomi said...

This post had me laughing out loud! Beautiful.

Styx of Rock said...

Great post, could have used a better illustration tough!

Anonymous said...

What is it you are exactly trying to say here? That the girl shouldn't have been so loud, fat or what?

Get over yourself. Are you so perfect? Book yourself in first class next time for a better class of passenger.